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Hey guys! Im still alive and well and I've never been more happy and content with myself. It's been a while, hasn’t it? Hehe, I guess so Anyway, just wanted to apologize for all thd mistakes I might have made and for all thd over emotional bullshit I tried to pull. Truth us, I have learned a lot. I'm not the same person I was two years ago when I thought I'd die if I didn't get the guy I wanted, or when I self-destructed last year after my grandpa died. I'm finally doing a lot better. Yeah it may have taken two long, hard years of anguish, devastation, disappointment, and ruin; it msy have taken falling in love with one of my best and most trustworthy friends and being cheated on and lied to and let down and being chosen second to a girl who did all those things to him and finally losing him and finding out he fuckrd her after he told me that he loved me; it may have taken losing my grandpa who was always there for me and who I thought more of than my own father. I may have been dealt some real shit, but I learned to deal with it. I may be standing here two episodes of alcoholism and a drug addiction later, but I'm still here. I swore off that stuff for good, and take responsibility for picking it up in the fist place. I learned that love doesn't equal happiness. Love is pain, anger, resentment, betrayal, hate, jealousy, passion, and f I rgiveness snd sl much more. Love might make you feel nice and watm and fuzzy inside but it can bring with it soooo many problems. Inever thought I could love anyone who cheated on me, and I'm not sure why I let it go, but I did and he eventually came around. I now have a man who loves me and who I lovve as well past all his mistakes and flaws, but I love myself too. I will never let him hurt me that way again. I respect myself too much for that and after all my hard work, I deserve better. And even if this isn't forever or either way I end up alone, I don't need a man to be happy. I have so much else. I learned so much more that hopefully I'll share with you all soon, thank you so much
Sooo busy
I've been pretty busy lately. I've had a job since November and ever since summer started I've been putting in overtime. Shitty job, but it pays the bills. Money's been pretty tight lately, but it's ok. I don't care. I've been spending some time with my boyfriend, a lot of time actually. He's been one of my best friends for years, we went to school together and he graduated last year, but we kept in touch and actually started dating. If any of you have been watching me for a while you might remember me mention a guy named Mark, the one that I didn't really like but he had a huuuuuge crush on me. Well, I guess I finally came around, haha, and
Pain, pain, pain...all the time...
Kc ran away with his girlfriend Katy the other day. No worries, they were both found and he came back today. They're both such dumbasses, but I still have feelings for him and he still likes me but I don't like that he's going back and forth between me and two other girls. And now me and Justin are off and on again. Everything's just so stupid and I'm going to be single again for like the third row in a year. It sucks 'cause this year my mom can't even afford to buy me and all my sisters each a box of chocolates. But back to Kc, I don't really know what to say to him. I GOT A HUG FROM HIM TODAY THOUGH. Dammit, ugh, fuck men. But...life is jus
Screw men. I'll be forever alone anyway.
Sorry about my last journal. Just depressed. I wish there was just some reset button I could push, and maybe start my life all over again. I would do a lot of things different.
I'm sad. I just feel so angry and sad. Kc, the guy I've been chasing, apparently has a girlfriend still, who's the reason he got sent to DAEP. Long story short, he chose her over me, even though she might not even be fucking coming back TO SCHOOL. I just...can't even. I swear, anything with a penis just turns out to be completely fucking retarded. I just hate men, I hate them. I hate Justin, I hate KC, I hate Jason, I hate Steven, I hate Colton.
There's only one guy
NEw YARS!
I May beee a little drunk while writing this, and I;m reallty emotional. Just had a crying fit a couple o0f seconds ago and then bursted into random laughter like lollololols/ I'mm stull laughing about itr too! I was listenin to a song they play at my grandpa's funeral after throwing back some shitzty vodka (had to miixxx wit OJ cuz it was that bad I couldnt drink it straight form the bottleee liek ususal) and the song is "Bang the Drum Slowly" by Emmylou Harris. YA know, it;s a rellay fugkin sad song. I ball evey time I hear it. HERES THE liNK though in case I fatget before Ifinish this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TisTLFIz7BA
Fugkein
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